The Wife vs. The Ex- The Showdown I’d Been Waiting For

Do I love fall weddings because of the idea of beautifully colored leaves serving as the back drop of a crisp outdoor ceremony surround by the scent of autumn? Heavens, yes! Did a small part of me smile when I realized that our perfect fall wedding fell 5 weeks before my husband’s 10 year high school reunion and I would finally shake the hand of his ex-girlfriend not as his Fiancée but as his proud, fresh from the honeymoon wife? ABSOLUTELY!

We all know when it comes to the ex-girlfriend (yes, there’s always that one), it doesn’t matter how secure you are in your relationship, how long ago they broke up, how fat she may end up being, or how many teeth she may be missing. When you are given the chance to meet her face to face, you must come fully prepared.  Even after it’s obvious that you’ve clearly won (flashback to the largest party you’ve just thrown for yourselves, that big shiny rock you have on your left hand, and that amazing massage a woman named Wayan gave you while overlooking the ocean) you still feel like you need to prove that you’re all that and he’s your bag of chips….and no, she can’t have any.

So in preparation for my guy’s big night (which I quickly adopted as the second biggest performance of my life, right after walking down the aisle) I spent hours at the mall and trying new makeup techniques in the mirror. Finally, I had everything planned.  That’s when my dear husband decided to clue me in on one small detail…the reunion was at a BOWLING ALLEY! You know, like cosmic strobe lighting, neon shoe wearing, bowling!

I know what you’re thinking… “I LOVE bowling”. Yea I do to. But not as the setting of the showdown of my life! How the heck was I supposed to look cute doing that? I guess my new BCBGMaxaria dress was going to have to be surrendered back to the hanger.

I settled for a cute pair of dark washed jeans, shimmery gold top, and a trendy cropped blazer. My gold 5 inch platform stilettos completed my “casual and sophisticated but just look at my shoes and you know I’m fierce” look. Of course the shoes were just so I could make an entrance—I wouldn’t bowl in them. And we were off to the reunion.

Upon entering, it was obvious who the other plus one wives were, mainly because they too were wearing inappropriate shoes for a bowling alley. As we all smiled awkwardly because of not knowing anyone there, I started thinking about the infamous ex and actually wondered what if I end up liking her?  I knew I had no reason not to. We probably would end up having a lot in common, I mean my husband did date both of us right?

We made our rounds to his old friends, had a few drinks, bowled a few games, but not once did I hear HER name. By the end of what led to be a really fun night, we were saying our goodbyes to people we wouldn’t see for another decade when I realized, I didn’t come face to face with my arch nemesis. “I guess she didn’t show” my husband nonchalantly said. Damn right she didn’t show, I smirked to myself. Have you seen your arm accessory?!

Now to prepare for the 20 year….




The Pros and Cons of a Roommate for Life…

First off, I love my husband. But let’s face it; many of us couldn’t stand sharing our space with our freshman college roommate for a semester, let alone for the next 50 YEARS! So of course with all the wonderful moments and sense of completion that marriage brings to our lives, there are those aspects that maybe we didn’t expect but must just learn to cope with. (We did say ‘for better or for worse’ somewhere in there, right?) So here it is my fellow wifeys…my list of the good, the bad and, dare I say it, the ugly of marriage.

 The Pro: The way you stand a little taller and squeeze his arm a little tighter when he introduces you as his “wife” after running into an old buddy of his.
 The Con: When after that introduction you realize that he left his wedding band at home because he is “still getting used to wearing it” (a concept you can’t understand because you feel naked without yours) and now you feel like your relationship is a complete sham.

 The Pro: Someone is there every morning to wake you up with soft kisses behind the ear—other than your dog. The perfect start to any girl’s day!
 The Con: When who you thought was your flirty husband turns out to be just your dog after all because your Romeo snuck out of bed while you were still sleeping to get in “one quick game of Madden” on the Xbox. It’s never just one game and they are certainly not quick.

 The Pro: Many of your expenses are automatically cut in half. You’ve now got one cable bill, one electric bill, and someone to pay half your rent! You sell that extra couch and dining room table and magically you both have a bit more pocket change.
 The Con: You are now the proud co-owner of a big, orange, circular bachelor chair because it’s the only thing of his left in the apartment after you got rid of all the “extras” (aka, all his stuff you hated). And you were so close to getting that Pottery Barn showroom you always longed for…

 The Pro: You finally stop wedding planning. No more worrying about what table to put Aunt Sue because she’s hates Uncle Ned’s new wife. No more weekends consumed with linen selections, floral arrangements, and arguing over the perfect shade a peach. You can finally un-follow all those wedding boards and start pinning the stuff that matters… like crock pot recipes, 50 new ways to tie a scarf, and the philosoraptor. And best of all, it’s just you and Hubby!
 The Con: You have to stop wedding planning…No more fun parties. No more fittings. No more gifts to open. And you find that your Pinterest obsession is suddenly consumed with nursery ideas and “Baby’s Firsts” DIY projects….Because it’s just you and Hubby. (You swear you’re still going to wait at least a year!)

 The Pro: Monday night is a night off from cooking (yay!) because football is on. Your man is just happy with pizza and a cold beer.
 The Con: In your eyes, the football game has gone on long enough and he’s just watching it for his fantasy league anyway. So you slip into something to bring the attention back to you…and realize that even THAT can’t compete with pig skin.

So what about you? What are some of your unexpected surprises after entering marital bliss??