The Wife vs. The Ex- The Showdown I’d Been Waiting For

Do I love fall weddings because of the idea of beautifully colored leaves serving as the back drop of a crisp outdoor ceremony surround by the scent of autumn? Heavens, yes! Did a small part of me smile when I realized that our perfect fall wedding fell 5 weeks before my husband’s 10 year high school reunion and I would finally shake the hand of his ex-girlfriend not as his Fiancée but as his proud, fresh from the honeymoon wife? ABSOLUTELY!

We all know when it comes to the ex-girlfriend (yes, there’s always that one), it doesn’t matter how secure you are in your relationship, how long ago they broke up, how fat she may end up being, or how many teeth she may be missing. When you are given the chance to meet her face to face, you must come fully prepared.  Even after it’s obvious that you’ve clearly won (flashback to the largest party you’ve just thrown for yourselves, that big shiny rock you have on your left hand, and that amazing massage a woman named Wayan gave you while overlooking the ocean) you still feel like you need to prove that you’re all that and he’s your bag of chips….and no, she can’t have any.

So in preparation for my guy’s big night (which I quickly adopted as the second biggest performance of my life, right after walking down the aisle) I spent hours at the mall and trying new makeup techniques in the mirror. Finally, I had everything planned.  That’s when my dear husband decided to clue me in on one small detail…the reunion was at a BOWLING ALLEY! You know, like cosmic strobe lighting, neon shoe wearing, bowling!

I know what you’re thinking… “I LOVE bowling”. Yea I do to. But not as the setting of the showdown of my life! How the heck was I supposed to look cute doing that? I guess my new BCBGMaxaria dress was going to have to be surrendered back to the hanger.

I settled for a cute pair of dark washed jeans, shimmery gold top, and a trendy cropped blazer. My gold 5 inch platform stilettos completed my “casual and sophisticated but just look at my shoes and you know I’m fierce” look. Of course the shoes were just so I could make an entrance—I wouldn’t bowl in them. And we were off to the reunion.

Upon entering, it was obvious who the other plus one wives were, mainly because they too were wearing inappropriate shoes for a bowling alley. As we all smiled awkwardly because of not knowing anyone there, I started thinking about the infamous ex and actually wondered what if I end up liking her?  I knew I had no reason not to. We probably would end up having a lot in common, I mean my husband did date both of us right?

We made our rounds to his old friends, had a few drinks, bowled a few games, but not once did I hear HER name. By the end of what led to be a really fun night, we were saying our goodbyes to people we wouldn’t see for another decade when I realized, I didn’t come face to face with my arch nemesis. “I guess she didn’t show” my husband nonchalantly said. Damn right she didn’t show, I smirked to myself. Have you seen your arm accessory?!

Now to prepare for the 20 year….




2 thoughts on “The Wife vs. The Ex- The Showdown I’d Been Waiting For

  1. HAHAHA. I LOVE this post. My husband grew up out of state, and every time we go back to visit his family, I think about what it would be like to run into his ex. Still cracking up about the idea of it being the second biggest performance of your life. You looked KILLER. She was smart to stay far away! 🙂

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