The Wife vs. The Ex- The Showdown I’d Been Waiting For

Posted in Life As A Wife by Tanisha

Do I love fall weddings because of the idea of beautifully colored leaves serving as the back drop of a crisp outdoor ceremony surround by the scent of autumn? Heavens, yes! Did a small part of me smile when I realized that our perfect fall wedding fell 5 weeks before my husband’s 10 year high school reunion and I would finally shake the hand of his ex-girlfriend not as his Fiancée but as his proud, fresh from the honeymoon wife? ABSOLUTELY!

We all know when it comes to the ex-girlfriend (yes, there’s always that one), it doesn’t matter how secure you are in your relationship, how long ago they broke up, how fat she may end up being, or how many teeth she may be missing. When you are given the chance to meet her face to face, you must come fully prepared. Even after it’s obvious that you’ve clearly won (flashback to the largest party you’ve just thrown for yourselves, that big shiny rock you have on your left hand, and that amazing massage a woman named Wayan gave you while overlooking the ocean) you still feel like you need to prove that you’re all that and he’s your bag of chips….and no, she can’t have any.

So in preparation for my guy’s big night (which I quickly adopted as the second biggest performance of my life, right after walking down the aisle) I spent hours at the mall and trying new makeup techniques in the mirror. Finally, I had everything planned. That’s when my dear husband decided to clue me in on one small detail…the reunion was at a BOWLING ALLEY! You know, like cosmic strobe lighting, neon shoe wearing, bowling!

I know what you’re thinking… “I LOVE bowling”. Yea I do to. But not as the setting of the showdown of my life! How the heck was I supposed to look cute doing that? I guess my new BCBGMaxaria dress was going to have to be surrendered back to the hanger.

I settled for a cute pair of dark washed jeans, shimmery gold top, and a trendy cropped blazer. My gold 5 inch platform stilettos completed my “casual and sophisticated but just look at my shoes and you know I’m fierce” look. Of course the shoes were just so I could make an entrance—I wouldn’t bowl in them. And we were off to the reunion.

Upon entering, it was obvious who the other plus one wives were, mainly because they too were wearing inappropriate shoes for a bowling alley. As we all smiled awkwardly because of not knowing anyone there, I started thinking about the infamous ex and actually wondered what if I end up liking her? I knew I had no reason not to. We probably would end up having a lot in common, I mean my husband did date both of us right?

We made our rounds to his old friends, had a few drinks, bowled a few games, but not once did I hear HER name. By the end of what led to be a really fun night, we were saying our goodbyes to people we wouldn’t see for another decade when I realized, I didn’t come face to face with my arch nemesis. “I guess she didn’t show” my husband nonchalantly said. Damn right she didn’t show, I smirked to myself. Have you seen your arm accessory?!

Now to prepare for the 20 year….

13Jul2013

Spice up your date night– with a jar!

Posted in Life As A Wife by Tanisha

It’s the weekend! And in our home, that usually means having a date night! I am a firm believer that date nights are crucial to any marriage. It’s so easy to just want to curl up and veg out on the couch after a long work week, but setting time aside to reconnect with your honey is so worth it! But after having the weekly “dinner and a movie” for about a month, we started to get into a date night rut and wanted to change things up a bit. That’s when I came across this GREAT idea on Pinterest— creating a date-night-jar! Here’s how it works: Start with any jar. A mason jar will do just fine. I actually had a pretty tin sitting around that I used. Pick up some inexpensive popsicle sticks which can be found at any craft store. Michael’s happened to have some that were already colored which was perfect. However, if you can’t find any in this fashion, no worries– you can simply paint them! Just keep in mind you’ll need to select three colors (categories) for you popsicle sticks which will represent kind of date you’ll be going on: Yellow—An inexpensive night in Examples:

An “old movie night” watching black and white films
Playing a competitive board game
A Chopped Challenge where you select three ingredients and make a complete dinner using only what’s in your pantry

Green—An event which requires a lot more planning and usually tends to be on the more expensive end Examples:

Visiting a wine vineyard
Going to see a Broadway show in the city
Taking a couples cooking class

Pink— A night out of the house, but not as expensive or elaborate as a “green” date. Examples:

Drinks at our favorite wine bar “Rosie’s”
Miniature golfing
Coffee and dessert in town

Come up with as many ideas as you want and write them on the appropriate popsicle sticks. Don’t be afraid to be creative and maybe a bit silly. The point of this is to have fun! And voila…you have a date jar full of wonderful thought free moments for you and your love to enjoy!

What about you? Any great date ideas or tips you’d like to share? I’d love to hear them!

12Jul2013

The Good Wife’s Guide: Circa 1955

Posted in Life As A Wife by Tanisha

Right before I got married, a co-worker of mine gave me a copy of a 1950s Housekeeping Monthly article on wifely duties. As someone who admires traditional values, I was excited to see what this list had to offer. Below are a few of the tips given and how I view them as a modern bride:

“Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready upon his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are connected with his needs…” Agree (to a degree)– I actually am a strong believer in meal planning. I am not always the best at practicing this idea, but I do enjoy coming home from a long day of work and knowing exactly what’s for dinner. And if I really planned ahead, dinner is probably warming in the crock pot as I turn the key. However, Mr. H doesn’t expect me to have dinner every night. Some nights we order in or go on a date to a nice restaurant.
“Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make up and put a ribbon in your hair”—Disagree—I don’t have 15 minutes to “refresh myself” before my husband arrives. I work.
“Be a little gay and more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and it’s your duty to provide it”—Agree (to a degree)—I do think that as a spouse we should lift our partner’s spirits if he’s having a bad day. We love to share our day with each other, talk about what’s going on with our friends, or ask for advice on things on our mind. Even though we are a couple, there are individual parts of our lives also that make us who we are.
“Prepare the children…they are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part…”—This is not always possible!- Children are children. They can be perfect angels one minute and screaming on the floor the next. If anything, I’d be happy to have my husband home to help give me a break! Maybe to take that nap listed in tip #2…
“Be happy to see him”–Strongly Agree—Why wouldn’t you be happy to see your best friend?
“Listen to him…remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours”.–Agree with part one of that statement…But the rest…Yeah…
“Don’t greet him with complaints and problems”—Agree- There’s nothing worse than coming home from a stressful day at work to deal with a stress at home. If there’s something really important we need to discuss, I try to let it wait until after dinner.
“Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.”–Disagree- This is just a respect issue.
“Make him comfortable… Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.”–Agree—Only because it looks so cool in Mad Men! I actually tried doing this for our first few weeks after marriage and had a Jack and Coke waiting for him when he’d come home! (Then we thought of our livers…)
“Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity…You have no right to question him.”—Strongly Disagree—While my husband is the head of our household, we make decisions as a couple and discuss how they will affect our family
“A good wife always knows her place.”—Agree—only if they mean that her place is by her husband’s side and not as a submissive slave!